We are all built differently, some tall and svelte, others tubby and stumpy. Of all the types, overweight and obese people are the most frequent (read: unfortunate) butt of body-shaming jokes. Bullying them is easy! (And of course, f.u.n.n.y!)
For some inexplicable reasons, most of us think there is absolutely nothing wrong in judging overweight or obese individuals. Baddittude!
Fat insults can be brutal. They hit the core of our plumpy and squishy heart. We have heard them ad nauseam and are literally fed up. Who wouldn’t be?
For starters, nobody, unless they are blithering idiots, should body-shame obese people. For another, you, my obese friends, need not to chicken out and let fat-innuendoes fly-by. Man up and stand up to these insults and refuse to be a doormat.
Next time, a chunky-monkey takes a jibe at you (or your drooping fat that you’ve so painstakingly gathered over years), here are some tight comebacks to slap them with.
- “What Happened?”
Okay, this might not have occurred to you but the moment your jaw dropped when you looked at me is the precise moment I noticed you are going to say something magnificently cruel.
Your, “What Happened?” question is downright rude, dude! Who let you out and allowed you to mingle with humans?
Pro-tip – Shut up and behave!
- “Are You Pregnant?”
No, I am not but I ate a baby alive yesterday because, of course as you can very well guess that, I was mega-omega-super-OMG-WTF-FTW hungry.
- You Are Wearing That? You Are So Brave!
Last time I checked, you weren’t a judge in the costume show and I wasn’t walking on a ramp but please go ahead and tell me more about how I should live my life, I am really interested.
- So I Take It You Are Single
You guessed it right. I am single but not ready to mingle. With you!
- “You Are Beautiful Even Though You Are Fat”
Oh yeah? I like how you rubbed my obesity in my face not-so-subtly. Thanks, but no thanks!
- “Hey I Am Just Trying To Help”
Look fella, this might come across as a shock to your tiny brain operating on a lonely neuron but I know I am fat. I also know how unhealthy obesity is. But you know what you did there? You tried to reduce me to my weight only and it doesn’t feel good.
You know what feels good?
Giving your two cents only when you are asked.
- “It’s Unfair How You Inhale Gallons Of Oxygen With Each Breath”
You are so funny; you are making me pee in my pants! Please s.t.o.p!
- Do You Order Pizza For Four When You Are Home Alone?
Good one! Wait, I will respond to this jibe after I am done gulping down this chunk of extra-large pizza.
- “Dude, You’re Rich”
Urgg, borrower again! You need money, here, I have something for you!
- “Whoah, New Dress. Too Bad They Didn’t Have Your Size!”
Are you sure you are not a douchebag? Because I see you are doing a nice job there.
- If You Can Dance So Well, Why Are You Fat?
You are lucky my juggling fat prevents me from seeing who said this.
I swear I will sit on you if you did not stop.
- “Are You Sure You Should Be Eating This?”
Well, I can always diet, if I want to, but you will always be ugly!
Or, give them a shut up call with a simple sturdy “YES!”
- “Oi, Easy! You Don’t Want To Break Those Machines”
Aww, you need to take a jibe on a fat person to get attention? What’s the matter buddy, don’t get enough attention at home?